One Step at a Time...

     Tonight's blog is the last part of the crash course of Gore Family History over the last two years.  I really felt that I needed to put everything about the last two years in writing for one to really understand our story, but at the same time, I'm eager to get this part of the story telling over with.  There are so many other things that I am looking forward to writing about, and frankly, rehashing the last year of failures isn't necessarily one of them.  But, to understand this story fully, you've got to have the background...so we will continue on:)
     We came back from Indiana mid-August and by September we were ready for another IVF.  The protocol for this was was different...I would be receiving a much higher dosage of meds in hopes that I would make a whole lot more eggs (can you say chicken again?!).  After the eggs were fertilized and grown to five days they would be frozen for two months before being transferred back to me, so the doctor wanted to have a good amount of embryos to guarantee that they withheld the freeze/thaw process.  That egg retrieval went very well and when all was said and done we had 5 embryos that were frozen in September.  I was then put back on the "menopause" drug for two months.
     When all was said and done with the holidays and all, two of the five embryos were transferred back to me at the end of January 2015.  February 8, 2015 we got word that those two embryos didn't make it.  Hence, when this blog was started.  So now, you are fully caught up to speed.
     Where we are now...we have met with our KU team.  We still have three embryos left...all which they still feel are of great quality and stand a great chance of being successful.  So, I'm back on the "menopause" drug AGAIN, for another month, and then we will gear up for another frozen egg transfer in May.
     In the meantime, we do have a phone consult next week with Dr. Schoolcraft, a fertility specialist in Colorado (BONUS: He was Bill and Giuliana Rancic's doc!)  If there was anything that Alan's cANCER experience taught us is that it does make a huge difference in where you receive medical care.  Although I love my KU team, their statistics are a 60% chance of pregnancy with normal miscarriage rates and Colorado is 85% of a live birth.  HUGE difference.  We still fully plan on using all of the embryos with KU first, but at least we will have another doctor on backup if we need to take that next step after.
     Overall, right now I'm doing pretty good.  I don't know if its because I am treating it more like an "action plan" of what needs to be done next in a job like mentality or because I'm in a "waiting month."  Months where I get my "menopause shot" or I have to take the birth control to reset my cycle bring a sense of normalcy in a way.  Biologically there is nothing I can do that month to have a baby, so in a sense, that stress is gone.  They are also the hope filled months as you are beginning to make the climb up the roller coaster again just wondering what's in store.
     I do reflect back on the last few years and I am in awe of who I've become.  I'm not one to brag on myself about anything, but I'm gonna do some bragging here for a moment.  Up until this experience, I was given the most perfect life.  Amazing family, privileged upbringing, incredible husband, great job, BLESSED life.  Everything came relatively easy.  I didn't know what struggle was.  I also have spent my whole life believing that I was put on this earth to be a mom.  I was obsessed with babies and kids for as long as I can remember.  At 5 years old I was setting my alarm clock to give my dolls midnight feedings.  I was babysitting by 5th grade and continued to do so- 20 hours a week until I graduated high school- not because I had to, because I wanted to.  I then went on to become an elementary teacher.  Being a mom is the one thing I want more than ANYTHING in this world.  And then having to face mortality with my husband at such young age.  Having to sit in room with the love of your life at age 31 and hear, "I'm sorry but its cANCER..."  Heartache after heartache after heartache.  Through all of this though, I will say though, that I am so proud of how strong we have become as individuals and as a couple.  This all could have torn us apart but its brought us closer together.  It could have beaten us down, and it does at times, but we still get back up.  We are still able to get out of bed each day, as hard as it may be at times, and find the good in everyday.  We can still smile, laugh, and know there is so much good in life.  My hairdresser, Andrea, summed it up in the most perfect words, "I don't wish what I have gone through on anyone, but who I have become in the process on everyone."  And that's exactly it.  I don't wish anyone I've known to know the pain we've known, but I do feel incredibly blessed to have become the person I am as a result of it.

For those of you that have been asking, here's the link to our Baby Fund Page.  From the bottom of our hearts, with the deepest love and gratitude, THANK YOU:)

http://www.gofundme.com/makklo?fb_action_ids=10152741717431297&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=fb_g_my_t