Lessons from a Bachelorette

     So those of you that know me know that I love reality T.V. and am also a sucker for a good love story.  So put two and two together and you have one heck of a Bachelor/Bachelorette fan.  Now normally I'm not a fan of people going on these shows and then using it to turn their five minutes of fame into 20.  However, I have thought all along that the most recent bachelor, Chris Soule's fiance, Whitney Bischoff is a class act ( I don't want to call her the "winner" because I believe in the fairy tale:))  I continue to think even more so after she has come forward publicly to share that she had some of her eggs frozen a couple of years ago (You can read/watch full story here: http://www.people.com/article/bachelor-whitney-bischoff-chris-soules-fiancee-froze-eggs)
     The media is always out to shed everything in a light that will attract the most attention.  I've seen articles stating how desperate she is to tricking Chris into having a baby, how she's using this to get her time in the spotlight while Chris is on DWTS, etc.  However, I think most, if not all of us that have traveled down the infertility road see this in a completely different light.  This woman who has seen first hand the devastation that infertility can cause to couples has taken the initiative to be proactive to protect her dream of becoming a mother someday.  Like she said, its sort of like an insurance policy.  Angelina Jolie just came forward encouraging those with family histories of genetic diseases, cancers, etc. to get tested and take proactive measures to ensure their health.  This is the exact same thing that Whitney Bischoff has done and is encouraging others to do as well.
     The bottom line is that a woman's maximum fertility is in her 20's and begins to decline in her 30's, particularly after the age of 35.  Women now-a-days are more career driven (which is a good thing!) and often waiting until later in life to have kids.  For whatever reason a woman doesn't have a baby in her 20's but does want to be a mom some day, shouldn't she be given a way to secure that for herself and her future family?  You also never know what curveballs life is going to throw at you (us Gore's know that all too well!) and having some of your eggs frozen is just another precaution if something were to happen healthwise.
     We ,know all too well that these procedures are expensive and not covered by insurance.  I know most people don't have a spare $7,000-$15,000 lying around to spend on freezing eggs.  However, if you are someone that does want to have a family one day and just aren't there right now in your stage of life, then it really may be something that you at least visit with a doctor about and get more information.  If it comes to needing them later down the road, that investment will be priceless.
     One of the main purposes of this blog is shedding light into the infertility world.  Knowledge is power and if my words empower at least one individual than it has served its purpose.  Thank you Whitney Bischoff for being a voice for infertility prevention.  Your knowledge will most certainly be power to at least one family out there and without ever knowing it, you will have changed their lives for the better.

 

Clomid...The Gateway Drug

Literally, Clomid is the gateway drug.  When one first goes to the doctor for infertility concerns, this is almost always the first medication they put you on.  Its an easy blue pill that can be bought at the local pharmacy and I think that it was only about $8 for a bottle.  Wow, do I wish that my drug taking experience ended there!  Next thing you know though, you are on to the harder stuff...shootin' up and all:)  The lovely meds that are involved with an IVF cycle can't be bought at your local pharmacy.  They usually have to come from a specialty pharmacy and are mailed to you and usually have a 3-digit price tag.  Some of them have to be kept refrigerated until taken, most come in the form of a needle that you inject yourself with multiple times a day, and almost all of them come with side effects.  I think when people think of IVF, they think of taking a couple  days of medication, then going to have a procedure.  At least that's what I thought.  However, I was WAY wrong.  I have been on hormonal medications now literally for almost two years straight.  The side effects of these meds is enough to drive you crazy in itself.  But, in the grand scheme of things, are absolutely something you can tolerate if it gives you a baby.  

For the most part, my side effects have been fairly mild from others that I have read about.  I didn't really have crazy emotional rages (although my hubby may say differently:)).  However, there have been plenty others.  Lupron which I've taken 4 cycles of for one month each gave me horrible hot flashes and night sweats the first three months.  I'm talking wanting to take your clothes off in public hot flashes.  Now I know that my mom was not kidding when she used to want to go roll around in the snow when she was having hers!  This last month of it, I've had horrific headaches.  Headaches that aren't made better by any kind of Advil or such.  I think my head has hurt for the last twenty days and I've just kind of gotten used to them.  Last go around, Lupron caused Aunt Flo not to come.  So, there was another med for that.  Unfortunately, that med gave me a bad round of Colitis which landed me in the ER followed by a lovely colonoscopy.  Most of the injection meds go in the abdomen.  They burn when they go in but the shot itself isn't painful at all.  Progesterone though has to go in the bum.  Alan had to give that one. And he HATES needles.  And he had to do it for 2 weeks straight.  That in itself was an experience!  I've never been allergic to any medication in my life, but it turned out I was allergic to that one.  About 2 weeks after taking the meds, I broke out with huge itchy welts.  Good news is I don't have to take that one again!  Then there are the lovely suppositories.  I'm not going to go into more detail on those other than the they are fact 3 suppositories a day. NOT FUN.  All of the meds cause significant weight gain.  Of course there are millions of other reasons why I've put weight on this past year, but I'm going to blame most of it on the meds:)

So, that's just a little glance at what kinds of meds I've been taking and all that they've done.  I honestly can't remember what it is like to feel "normal" since I've been on hormonal meds for so long.  Part of me does worry about the long term effects of all of these.  There really isn't a whole lot of research out there since women haven't been taking them all that long for there to be longitudinal studies, but a little common sense tells you that if a medication can make your body make 25 times the normal amount of eggs it is supposed to, it probably isn't that good for you.  That's the funny thing about infertility though.  You don't care about anything else.  You will endure any physical pain if the outcome is a baby.  When I went to the doctor for my allergic reaction, I asked her if I could keep taking it because I knew what an important med it was.  I told her I could withstand the itchy welts.  She looked at me like I was crazy and proceed to remind me that welts were the first sign of more severe reactions to come.  It was worth a shot though!  So, next time someone you know is on fertility meds, give them the benefit of the doubt.  They are literally at war with their own body, doing everything they can to feel normal when they feel anything and everything but that.

Million Dollar Babies

     So as you've already gathered from my last few entries, this blog covers all the touchy subjects...sex, money, religion, etc.  I'm usually not one to talk about controversial topics, but unfortunately those are at the heart of infertility.  We've covered the sex (or lack there when making a baby in our case) and have touched on the religion, so tonight we are going to talk about money.
     Finances should never be a decision one has to consider when trying to have a baby.  Sure, you a need to be able to support your family and take care of them, but when a couple wants to have a child and is ready to have one, money shouldn't be something standing in their way.  Unfortunately, for many of us struggling with infertility it is.  We're the lucky ones...we've been able to power through despite the financial hardships.  Unfortunately for too many, it stops at the diagnosis.  They simply can't financially afford the treatments.
    I'm not sure of the exact numbers, but I believe there are only 6-10 states nation wide that mandate coverage for infertility.  And of those, it isn't full coverage for most.  As luck would have it, Kansas isn't one of them.  So, this journey that we've been on and continue to journey on, has been an expensive one to say the least.  I am not writing this to gain sympathy, pity, etc.  I just want to bring awareness to the finance aspect of infertility that I was unaware of prior to being on this journey.
     I have a $2500 insurance deductible.  So what that means is that January 1 every year, I have to pay $2500 out of pocket for anything medical (visits, prescriptions, etc.) and everything after that is covered 100%.  Everything except for infertility.  And sadly, this is soooo common for most of us facing infertility.  I consider myself one of the lucky ones...my insurance does let the meds count towards my deductible and then will cover them after the deductible is met.  And that's a good thing cause let me give you an idea of how much those meds cost.  About $4000-$6000 for IVF meds...I've been through 3 of those.  The lovely Lupron shot that puts me into menopause...$900 a shot...I've had four of those.  Patches that I wear prior to and weeks after an embryo transfer...3 a day at $15 a patch.  So, we are just talking meds here.
    Procedures...artificial insemination or IUI...$500 each.  Our doctor does package deals for IVF which includes bloodwork, ultrasounds, and procedures...$15,000.  Any genetic testing, etc. is extra of course.  Frozen embryo transfers...$2,000.  Any additional bloodwork, procedures, doctor visits, etc., and there are a lot of them, minimum a couple hundred dollars.  They do not accept payment plans, by they do of course accept credit cards:)  Those are figures from our KU clinic.  As you begin to seek out experts in the field, they know it, and their price tag shows it too.  We just had a 30 minute phone consult with Dr. Schoolcraft in CO...$350 for the phone call and the possible start of a $40,000 journey if we end up having to go to CO.
     My frustration doesn't lie with the cost of the medical procedures...we all know that the medical field is an expensive industry.  It does lie though with the insurance companies.  Alan and I didn't do anything to bring our fertility conditions upon us.  We lead fairly healthy lives.  We don't smoke, don't drink too much (although this situation isn't helping the matter!), try to workout regularly, and eat somewhat ok.  There are so many other elective procedures that insurance will cover, but not this.  It makes my blood boil.
     So, it is my hope that this post will bring a little understanding on a couple key points.  My husband and I have great jobs, but unfortunately in the infertility world, it still isn't enough.  I tutor Monday-Friday until 7:00 most nights and then again on Sunday mornings.  My husband does side handyman jobs whenever he can.  This is why.  We know we want a family more than anything else and will do whatever it takes to make that happen.  We have talks at night as to where is the money going to come from.  We've considered depleting our retirement and selling our five bedroom house.  I'd work until I'm 70 and live in a house that is way to small for our family versus a large empty house any day if it means I will get to be a mom.  The GoFundMe was literally a gift from you all that I can never thank you enough for...you've helped to lighten this load just a little bit and it means the world to me.  Finally, if our path leads us to adoption, we would consider ourselves equally blessed.  However, adoption runs an additional $30,000 or so on top of all already spent on infertility treatment.  Unfortunately, there is no easy answer in the world of infertility or money for that matter.  It is my hope that everyone reading this and going through infertility has had friends and family as understanding on this topic as mine have been.

One Step at a Time...

     Tonight's blog is the last part of the crash course of Gore Family History over the last two years.  I really felt that I needed to put everything about the last two years in writing for one to really understand our story, but at the same time, I'm eager to get this part of the story telling over with.  There are so many other things that I am looking forward to writing about, and frankly, rehashing the last year of failures isn't necessarily one of them.  But, to understand this story fully, you've got to have the background...so we will continue on:)
     We came back from Indiana mid-August and by September we were ready for another IVF.  The protocol for this was was different...I would be receiving a much higher dosage of meds in hopes that I would make a whole lot more eggs (can you say chicken again?!).  After the eggs were fertilized and grown to five days they would be frozen for two months before being transferred back to me, so the doctor wanted to have a good amount of embryos to guarantee that they withheld the freeze/thaw process.  That egg retrieval went very well and when all was said and done we had 5 embryos that were frozen in September.  I was then put back on the "menopause" drug for two months.
     When all was said and done with the holidays and all, two of the five embryos were transferred back to me at the end of January 2015.  February 8, 2015 we got word that those two embryos didn't make it.  Hence, when this blog was started.  So now, you are fully caught up to speed.
     Where we are now...we have met with our KU team.  We still have three embryos left...all which they still feel are of great quality and stand a great chance of being successful.  So, I'm back on the "menopause" drug AGAIN, for another month, and then we will gear up for another frozen egg transfer in May.
     In the meantime, we do have a phone consult next week with Dr. Schoolcraft, a fertility specialist in Colorado (BONUS: He was Bill and Giuliana Rancic's doc!)  If there was anything that Alan's cANCER experience taught us is that it does make a huge difference in where you receive medical care.  Although I love my KU team, their statistics are a 60% chance of pregnancy with normal miscarriage rates and Colorado is 85% of a live birth.  HUGE difference.  We still fully plan on using all of the embryos with KU first, but at least we will have another doctor on backup if we need to take that next step after.
     Overall, right now I'm doing pretty good.  I don't know if its because I am treating it more like an "action plan" of what needs to be done next in a job like mentality or because I'm in a "waiting month."  Months where I get my "menopause shot" or I have to take the birth control to reset my cycle bring a sense of normalcy in a way.  Biologically there is nothing I can do that month to have a baby, so in a sense, that stress is gone.  They are also the hope filled months as you are beginning to make the climb up the roller coaster again just wondering what's in store.
     I do reflect back on the last few years and I am in awe of who I've become.  I'm not one to brag on myself about anything, but I'm gonna do some bragging here for a moment.  Up until this experience, I was given the most perfect life.  Amazing family, privileged upbringing, incredible husband, great job, BLESSED life.  Everything came relatively easy.  I didn't know what struggle was.  I also have spent my whole life believing that I was put on this earth to be a mom.  I was obsessed with babies and kids for as long as I can remember.  At 5 years old I was setting my alarm clock to give my dolls midnight feedings.  I was babysitting by 5th grade and continued to do so- 20 hours a week until I graduated high school- not because I had to, because I wanted to.  I then went on to become an elementary teacher.  Being a mom is the one thing I want more than ANYTHING in this world.  And then having to face mortality with my husband at such young age.  Having to sit in room with the love of your life at age 31 and hear, "I'm sorry but its cANCER..."  Heartache after heartache after heartache.  Through all of this though, I will say though, that I am so proud of how strong we have become as individuals and as a couple.  This all could have torn us apart but its brought us closer together.  It could have beaten us down, and it does at times, but we still get back up.  We are still able to get out of bed each day, as hard as it may be at times, and find the good in everyday.  We can still smile, laugh, and know there is so much good in life.  My hairdresser, Andrea, summed it up in the most perfect words, "I don't wish what I have gone through on anyone, but who I have become in the process on everyone."  And that's exactly it.  I don't wish anyone I've known to know the pain we've known, but I do feel incredibly blessed to have become the person I am as a result of it.

For those of you that have been asking, here's the link to our Baby Fund Page.  From the bottom of our hearts, with the deepest love and gratitude, THANK YOU:)

http://www.gofundme.com/makklo?fb_action_ids=10152741717431297&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=fb_g_my_t