Many of you know that my husband is the blogger in our family, but given the recent events in our life, I've decided to take a spin at it too. It's something that I've thought about doing over the last year but have never forced myself to sit down and put thoughts to paper until now. Most of you know that the last 24 months, more specifically, the last 7 months, have been less than stellar. We have been dealing with infertility formally for two and half years, trying to have a baby for three and a half, and then we'll throw some testicular cancer in there just to shake things up a bit. That's a very quick background on our lives for the last couple of years, more to come on my specific infertility journey later.
Back to why I feel now is the time to start this blog. As many of you are aware, we got news Monday that our 2nd attempt at IVF failed. Alan and I stood in our kitchen Monday night, holding each other, crying, both barely able to breathe we were so overcome with such sadness, loss, and grief. I'm not gonna lie, we were both very angry and confused with the man upstairs. Alan has always been the one with unshakable faith, the one who blindly believes against any and all scientific reason or proof. It has been because of his guidance that I have become the strong Christian that I am today. However, Monday night he was mad and confused. He stated that if he was to be able to keep believing he needed to see some BIG sign, some miracle this week from God. I thought to myself, there's no way. Things like that just don't happen on demand. What was I going to do if the man I admired most, the man whose faith is the sole reason that we are both still standing after the last 7 months of trials, stopped believing?
Fast forward to Thursday. I'm was at work and since we had parent teacher conferences this week, I had some open time in my schedule. I was sitting at my desk when my dear friend and co-worker, Mona came in. She proceeded to tell me that her and one of my other best friends, Alaina, had set up an online fund raiser for Alan and I. For those of you that don't know, infertility treatments are very rarely covered by insurance. Although the physical pain is there, the emotional pain is harder. And then put immense financial burdens on top of that. I was speechless. Within an hour, we already had a couple thousand dollars in donations. Friends from college. Friends parents from high school. Friends from elementary school. Old coworkers. Current coworkers. People we hadn't even met. Right then and there we got out sign. God hadn't forgotten us and he sent you all to be his hands and feet reaching out to us, supporting us, letting us know that this dream of becoming a family could and would be still very much a reality.
And so that is what the purpose of this blog is. Whether you want to consider it a blessing or a curse, I have never been a shy one. Alan and I are both pretty much open books. I feel that it is now my job to be a voice of support and education for anyone out there struggling with infertility. Infertility is considered a silent disease. On the outside we look like everything is fine, but on the inside we are broken. It takes almost everything we have, every single day, to not let our sadness consume us. But we do it because we know there is still so much goodness out there in the world and we aren't going to let it pass us by waiting for our other dream become a reality. You all are that goodness.
THANK YOU for the bottom of our hearts for the incredible love and support you have shown us this week. Although you have given monetarily, you have given us back the greatest gift of all, HOPE, just when we needed it the most. I hope you will continue to walk along with us on this journey. And if you or anyone you know out there is struggling with infertility, let them know that they are not alone. Whether its you or your mother's cousin's friend's next door neighbor, may they get strength from this blog and know I'm only a phone call away. Let us all be God's hands and feet in the ways that we know how to best.
For those of you that have been asking, here's the link to our Baby Fund Page. From the bottom of our hearts, with the deepest love and gratitude, THANK YOU:)
http://www.gofundme.com/makklo?fb_action_ids=10152741717431297&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=fb_g_my_t
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